The idea of a blog is pure arrogance with me. Why would I write anything worth reading for anyone else? Why should I have some magical way to put a thought into words for a person? This is a purely selfish endeavor to keep myself from driving myself entirely insane with the thoughts in my head. As if I am some special human that has enough internal thoughts in my head to drive me nuts. I do not do well talking through things verbally because I get very sensitive to the other person’s reaction and or feelings. I keep things bottled up inside, probably because of both wiring and how I was raised. All that to say, this might be a place of word vomit if I ever remember to write something. Which is not likely.
Follow through has not been my greatest strength, so I learned from my ex-girlfriend. Which is why this blog will probably be a one post and done. I do follow through though. I think we all do. We follow through with things that matter to us. Sometimes the follow through is slow and sometimes it is quick. But if it matters it will probably get done.
There were a lot of things I have learned from ex-girlfriends. I learned how to be a douche bag. I learned how to be a fake ass friend. I learned how to be a fake Christian. This is false, I actually just learned how to dress up for church by wearing a brightly colored collared shirt and khakis rather than jeans, t-shirt and a hat. Which reminds me of a rant I will have to come back to sometime about the tradition of dressing up for church. If we are supposed to come humbly before God then why, in church, would we need to wear our nicest clothes unless it was purely for social reasons? I am sure there is a verse people refer to that talks about going to the temple in the finest robes, but I bet that the context does not match up to present day application. In the new testament, how many times do we read that people made sure they were dressed in their nice clothes to worship God? If it is in reverence, then who sat around as the fashion police and decided that khakis and a polo are more God fearing clothes than a pair of jeans? I did argue with the said ex one Sunday morning that I did in fact wear my nicest pants. They were a $200 pair of jeans and I did not have any other pants that cost over $100, therefore I technically was wearing my ‘Sunday’s finest.’ That went over about as well as the time I tried to sneak off to the casino with the guys but got caught because of some location app installed on my phone. Whoops.
I had a lady who was very kind to me once upon a time that tried to teach this quiet guy in his early 20’s how to act, and she taught me one of my favorite lessons in life: Girls are crazy and guys are just dumb. For all male/female relationships I base most actions and interactions on this foundational piece of wisdom. Now I do want you to know that I am joking, a little; but there is a little truth to every joke, otherwise it would not be a joke. It would just be a random statement meant as a joke. This is not completely true either but it is a little saying I picked up somewhere along the way and it echoes in my head anytime someone makes a funny comment. Turns out this blog post is just turning into some simple thoughts and theories on life that maybe I can refer back to and expound on these things. I have come up with many many theories on people and life over the years, and when I put it all together, I come to the conclusion that I actually don’t know shit.
I do not understand why so many people get so caught up in knowing. Why is it so hard for some people to just say “I don’t know?” It is like some people’s kryptonite. It ultimately is probably a pride thing where they are insecure about how the people will perceive them if they do not know. It is a lot easier for me to say “I don’t know” because I typically do not like people to know my thoughts and feelings and it is a great cop out(sp?). “I don’t know” gives me a chance to listen to other people’s opinions, form my own opinions, not tell anyone what I have come up with, and then consider everyone else an idiot because they did not figure out the right answer (which is my opinion). I do not think everyone is an idiot in reality nor that I always come up with the right opinion, but I do think that some people should just say “I don’t know” when they don’t know and be okay with it and finding a valid point of view.
So, that’s it. I guess I am about to be an official blogger. At this point in time I still have not figured out how to change the title at the top of the page, but I am hopeful that stroke of genius will come to me in the coming minutes. I did spend more time coming up with ‘paralysis through analysis’ blog name than I did on this blog post. My runner up and future true self blog personality is going to be ‘cheesychristianblog.’ But with a title like that, I am bound to violate the ingenuity of the blog name at some point in time. I either will not blog about Christian things; be a cheesy Christian blogger and then have a blog that is not cheesy; or be a not so cheesy Christian blogger for the irony, and then accidently be cheesy. Or I could just not write anything at all. Hence, why I chose this blog name.
‘Paralysis Through Analysis’… If I were to never write another blog then someone could stumble upon this and think “Damn, poor guy really is paralyzed by analyzing everything and he can not even get words on the computer screen. I hope he does not have this problem when deciding what to eat or else he might starve to death.” Another scenario is that I could write on this thing very consistently about my thoughts and then when nothing comes of it, or me, then someone smarter and with more framed pieces of paper hanging on a wall studies paralysis and stumbles upon this, they will then have documentation of the analyzing that can be introspectively paralyzing. Hopefully I never am paralyzed or this thing could become very foretelling and might make one think that having these similar thoughts can lead to the physical condition of paralysis. My desire is that putting some of these random thoughts of sometimes meaningful things and sometime meaningless things can get me moving on from these thoughts, understand God more, and find more joy in this short glimpse of a life I have.
P.S. Sorry for the typos. It is truly amateur hour.